Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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