the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
