How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
