thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
