Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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