How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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