we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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