Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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