Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
