i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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