Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
