and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
