I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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