peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
