remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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