dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
