and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
