It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
