just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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