dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
