Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
