the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
They have beer where we have blood.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
