You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
