I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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