What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
