Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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