this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
