I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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