i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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