If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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