I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
