sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
