I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
As shirtless as possible
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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