from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
