I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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