Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
