i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize