In the future we'll all be gay
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
