You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
