Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
