last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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