i just wanna soil my oats bro
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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