She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
