Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
