You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
