No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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