we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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