so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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