It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
