I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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