Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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