Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
