am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
