Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
