I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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