so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
