And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
